Mel Robbins says, We All Have Anxiety. Is she right?
Some suggestions for better mental health
Author of the The 5 Second Rule, Mel Robbins, sent out a newsletter this week. In it, she talked about re-entering society, post-pandemic, and her anxiety about going to an actual gym class, with real people in it.
She expressed genuine fear about what used to be an everyday task:
“Anxiety is a constant presence in my life. And since you’re human, I know you have anxiety too. We all do. Anxiety, phobia, worry, unease — they’re all the same thing.”
Is that true, does everyone suffer from anxiety to some degree?
In recent times, it seems that the world and his wife suffers from anxiety. It’s alarming to me that many of my teenage daughters’ friends suffer crippling anxiety. This can about online misrepresentation, or the fear of taking a bus alone.
Anxiety can be crippling. I know, as I suffered a period of severe anxiety after the birth of my second child.
I have had a few encounters with the Black Dog too. However, in my case, anxiety was way worse than depression.
Anxiety is exhausting. Daily electric shocks of hyper-fear. Constant “what-ifs?” And all those what-if’s are all doom-laden scenarios.
However, the good news is that I managed to overcome both, without medication. And you can too.
Whilst I know meds have their place, they just weren’t for me. My grandmother was addicted to “mother’s little helpers” (Valium) for decades, so I was begged not to go down that route.
I say this strongly, there is no judgement here. You have to do what is right for you. I know the holistic approach does not suit everyone.
Live and Let Live is the mantra I try to live by, so please seek medical help if you need it.
The Black Dog
The way I describe depression is like sitting looking out of the window on an aeroplane (remember them?!). All you can see is a never-ending blanket of grey clouds.
Nothingness. No light on the horizon. Just grey (or gray, but I’m English). You get the picture.
If you’ve ever watched a Harry Potter film, depression can also feel like the death-eaters. Chasing you down and sucking all the joy from your bleak soul.
Now when I feel things spiralling downwards, I can halt the bad feelings and stop the descent.
Years ago, in despair in the middle of the night (that’s always the worst time), I was looking for a way out of the bleakness. I needed a positive path. Yet, all I found were other sufferers discussing their meds or self-harming. This did not help me.
What I found was a free email course, called something like “Pathway out of Clinical Depression”. I’ve since tried to search for it for friends, but have never managed to find it again.
The man who wrote the course, Mark Tyrell, went on to set up Hypnosis Downloads. This is not an ad, I design clothes for a living, but it might help someone reading this.
The Rise of the “Haves and Have-Not” Culture
Tyrell talked about how the incidence of depression rose rapidly after the second world war. The stats took into account the fact that more cases were being recorded, yet the cases were still higher.
Apparently, this was due to a decrease in physical activity. Pre-war, more people had physically demanding jobs, leaving them too exhausted to ruminate over perceived issues in their lives. We now know that exercise pumps our bodies full of feel-good endorphins, thereby reducing the chances of low mood. There is undoubtedly a higher proportion of desk-bound jobs today, allowing low moods to percolate.
Post-war also saw the rise of the middle classes, and a surge in spending after years of rationing. Did this mark the start of the “Have and the Have-Nots”?
A design revolution resulted in the Mid-Century Modern movement, creating an enticing new way to live, with modernist furniture and home decor to match. In fashion, Dior’s New Look created a new aspirational silhouette of the nipped-in waist and full skirt. A world away from the more modest, utilitarian modes of the 1940s.
The world must have seemed in glorious technicolour. As though everything was possible for everyone! But of course, not everyone had the means to live the life of their dreams…then, as now.
Depression and anxiety were on the rise and it’s easy to see why. This is most likely where comparison culture began.
The differences between the haves and the have-nots, creating the culture we have today of FOMO, imposter syndrome and levels of chronic anxiety, surely have their roots as far back as the 1950s.
Break the Spiral of Negative Thinking
Tyrrell said that depression is a spiral of negative thinking, and you have to break the spiral in as many places as you can. Deep depression can take time to lift, and may need other treatments, for which I am not qualified. But I’d like to pass on what helped me, in the hope it might help you too.
For me, running helped to halt the negative thinking and break the spiral. I’d set off on a morning run pre-occupied with an issue. Something that was bothering me, but that I hadn’t set out to think about during my run. When I got back home, the problem had resolved itself, without conscious thought.
Running outside is key here.
A fitness instructor who specialises in helping clients with depression, said it’s impossible to feel sad in nature. Research suggests that negative ions can reduce the effects of depression in some people, positively changing the chemistry in tissue.
Also, attempting to be Superwoman and trying to do too much(or Superman, I’m all for equality here) can lead to poor mental health.
Having kids and a job, with added commute, while trying to keep up with friends and emulate the perfect lives and houses of people we see online, creates mental and physical exhaustion. Creating the perfect environment for mental health problems to seed and thrive.
6 tips that might help alleviate your anxiety*
*This is by no means an exhaustive list and does not replace medical treatment.
1. Find a physical activity that you love and do it every day.
OK, I know you might be rolling your eyes. You’ve already heard this a million times. But do you actually do it?
For me, this is running, but it does not have to be. It can be a brisk walk, gardening, tennis or even housework. But aim to get out of breath and a bit sweaty for at least 30 minutes a day.
I know you know this, but do you do it? It works. Nike is right. Just do It.
2. Distraction — find an absorbing hobby
Pick something that engages your brain and allows to you get into The Zone. Anxiety cannot penetrate The Zone.
This does work.
Hours spent idly scrolling through social media fuels anxiety, FOMO, imposter syndrome etc.
Start by cutting that time in half and take up photography, pottery, jewellery making or trading on the stock market — just something that is challenging and absorbing in a good way. And aim to get good at it.
3. Stop Googling symptoms.
Health anxiety was major for me. Every headache was a tumour, every freckle — melanoma. DON’T turn to Dr Google. All paths lead to increased anxiety. Or diabetes — because that’s the google diagnosis for everything. If health anxiety is your nemesis, I invite you to sit with the symptoms for 2 weeks. If the problem is still there, see a doctor.
4. DELETE
I’m not a Facebook person (I know, this makes me a social pariah, but as I said, no judgement here - live and let live), but I love Instagram. Some accounts inspire, and others remind me that I’m falling short on my potential. Just unfollow anyone that makes you feel bad, doubt yourself, or feel in any way down. DELETE!
5. Try Pozi-Zapping
See my previous article on this and breathwork. Both are highly recommended. In short, both invoke and sense of calm within. The positivity of sending out positive vibes to others, deflects from the self — even momentarily — yet bounce back to you, creating a feel-good factor.
6. Rest
Often taking time to stop, unplug and just BE can be all it takes to restore mental equilibrium. This can be sleep or just relaxing in front of the tv and losing yourself in a light-hearted nonsense. Relaxing in nature can be the best — see above. Especially if it’s somewhere out of reach of a network, forcing you to switch off from the world and slow down the pace of life.
As Robbins said, you are human, so will probably suffer from some level of anxiety, worry, depression or unease, at some point in life.
And that’s ok.
But please know, nothing is forever and this too shall pass. I hope some of the above will help you, or else prompt you to seek help.
I wish you well.
